Shouldn’t we hold out for the person who doesn’t just tolerate our little quirks but actually kinda likes them?
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Guys are like the subway. You miss one, another comes along in five minutes…Unless it’s the end of the night, then you get on anything!
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
There are certain things in life where you know it’s a mistake but you don’t really know it’s a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, “Yup, that was a mistake”. So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you’ll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not.
Here’s the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something’s a mistake, you gotta make it anyway
Haaaave you met Ted?
It’s gonna be legend…wait for it, and you better not be lactose intolerant ’cause the second half of that word is… dary!
Ted: I mean, you got used to Lily’s loud chewing, right?
Marshall: Lily doesn’t chew loudly.
Ted: Dude. This isn’t news. Why do you think I call her Chewbacca?
Marshall: I suspect because she’s loyal, wears shiny belts, and I resemble a young Harrison Ford.
How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend? Simple: The rules for girls are the same as Gremlins. Rule number one: Never get them wet. In other words, don’t let her take a shower in your place. Rule number two: Keep them away from sunlight—i.e., don’t ever see them during the day. And rule number three: Never feed them after midnight. Meaning she doesn’t sleep over, and you don’t have breakfast with her, ever.
Ted: Pop quiz: When robin is PMSing, what kind of chocolate should you get her?
Barney: Trick question. Get her butterscotch.
Ted: Correct. Why?
Barney: Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women.
Story of my life: my cuteness interferes with people hearing my message.