You know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. It’s not overrated. There’s a reason for all those songs.
I’d been through so much, falling short again and again, and only recently had found a place where who I was, right now, was enough.
All I’d ever wanted was to forget. But even when I thought I had, pieces had kept emerging, like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below.
And no relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. But, the love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And thats the key. It’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.
There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing but empty space, and silence.
You never get used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it’s reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you and it just hits you all over again.
Maybe that’s why we hold on as hard as we do, we just can’t believe such a miracle can happen to us twice…but it can, someday you’ll find it again.
But if something was really important, fate made sure it somehow came
back to you and gave you another chance. Events conspire to bring you
back to where you’d been. It was what you did then that made all the
difference: it was all about potential.
He said that some people believe everything happens for a reason. And
some people, well, don’t. She thought for a second. It’s not that
I believe everything happens for a reason, it’s just that…I just think
that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It’s the
universe’s way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a
few holes in the road. It’s how life is.
But if everything was always smooth and perfect, you’d get too used to
that, you know? You have to have a little bit of disorganization now and
then. Otherwise, you’ll never really enjoy it when things go right.
I knew that there were no guarantees. No way of knowing what came next for me, for him, or anybody. Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there…
I am grateful that somehow we are made, in the most trying of times, to just block out everything and KEEP GOING, even when you have no idea what to do or how it will all work out. There is such a fine, thin edge between life and death, and I’m also grateful that we’re able to forget about that, for the most part, in our day to day lives.
And love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you.
Because he’s a guy, and guy’s don’t get attached, guys don’t ever give themselves over completely, and guys lie. That’s why they should be handled with great trepidation, not trusted, and held at arms length whenever possible.
But wasn’t that always the way. It’s never something huge that changes everything, but instead the tiniest of details, irrevocably tweaking the balance of the universe while you’re busy focusing on the big picture.
He was not my boyfriend. On the other hand, he wasn’t just a friend either. Instead, our relationship was elastic, stretching between those two extremes depending on who else was around, how much either of us had to drink, and other varying factors. This was exactly what I wanted, as commitments had never really been my thing. And it wasn’t like it was hard, either. The only trick was never giving more than you were willing to lose.
Needing was so easy: it came naturally, like breathing. Being needed by someone else, though, that was the hard part.
Leaving was easy. It was everything else that was so damn hard.
But sometimes, we just have to be happy with what people can offer us. Even if it’s not what we want, at least it’s something. You know?
Whenever you made a choice, especially one you’d be resisting, it always affected everything else, some in big way, like a tremor beneath your feet, others in so tiny a shift you hardly noticed a change at all. But it was happening.
The thing is, it’s a big deal when you finally get the chance to do the one thing you want to do-need to do-more than anything. It can kind of scare the crap out of you.
There are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. And when they let you down, shifting from where you’ve carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand.
Through my tears, I could hear her saying it was all going to be okay, and I know she believed this. But I was sure of something, too: it’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching, and rarely discovered– so many locks, not enough keys.
Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It’s a lie. It’s just something that people say they’ll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said ‘friendly’ relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it’s like breaking up all over again. But messier.
My cold, hard heart exposed, finally, for what it truly was. Fair warning, I thought. I should have told you from the start. I will let you down.
What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldn’t even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both.
My point is, there are a lot of people in the world. No one ever sees everything the same way you do; it just doesn’t happen. So when you find one person who gets a couple of things, especially if they’re important ones… you might as well hold on to them.
Sure, it sucked to be lost, but I’d long ago realized I preferred it to depending on anyone else to get me where I needed to go. That was the thing about being alone, in theory or in principle. Whatever happened- good, bad, or anywhere in between… it was always, if nothing else, all your own.
Wherever you will go I will let you down, But this lullaby goes on.
There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.
Don’t think or judge, just listen.
I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed.
There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.
Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.
Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge is yourself.
It’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching and rarely discovered–so many locks not enough keys.
It’s all in the view. That’s what I mean about forever, too. For any one of us our forever could end in an hour, or a hundred years from now. You never know for sure, so you’d better make every second count.
There comes a time in every life when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your heart.
Because this is what happens when you try to run from the past. It just doesn’t catch up, it overtakes … blotting out the future.
What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn’t just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them perfect, and we couldn’t expect them to be. You can’t make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build your world from it.
You should never be surprised when someone treats you with respect, you should expect it.
No matter how much time has passed, these things still affect us and the world we live in. If you don’t pay attention to the past, you’ll never understand the future. It’s all linked together.
Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesn’t make you strong. if anything, it makes you weaker. Because you’re doing it out of fear.
Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.
I wondered which was harder, in the end. The act of telling, or who you told it to. Or maybe if, when you finally got it out, the story was really all that mattered.
There has to be a middle. Without it, nothing can ever truly be whole. Because it is not just the space between, but also what holds everything together.
So many versions of just one memory, and yet none of them were right or wrong. Instead, they were all pieces. Only when fitted together, edge to edge, could they even begin to tell the whole story.
But I’d long ago learned not to be picky in farewells. They weren’t guaranteed or promised.
You were lucky, more than blessed, if you got a good-bye at all.
What you need, what you deserve, is a guy who adores you for what you are. Who doesn’t see you as a project, but a prize. you know?